


Don't Worry, It's Just Senioritis

by drowninginchamomiletea



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Author diary kinda???, Just a way of getting mental juices flowing, Status Updates, The author is finally growing up :'), no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-07-18 22:09:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 1,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16127750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drowninginchamomiletea/pseuds/drowninginchamomiletea
Summary: Alternative title: *clips nails sadly*





	1. Chapter 1

Hey guys.

Promise I'm not dead. Just really tired and preoccupied.

I was in a depressive slump for a good chunk of the beginning of summer. Had no motivation whatsoever. Stared at my AO3 dash and felt awful for not being able to post what I wanted to post.

Spent two months in my first relationship and my first job. Job was sketchy and apparently kind of illegal, as I eventually found out. Ex is a gaslighting, emotionally manipulative gold digger. That was all awful. Spent a month getting over her. Got depressed again for a while.

Throughout the summer, there was a bunch of drama on Discord that exhausted me emotionally.

Got a new job with the beginning of September. It's pretty sucky but it brings in money.

I realized school was gonna start and soon enough my anxiety was back.

School started. 

I'm in school, I have a job, and I'm actually maintaining my social life. My plate is full, but there's still some downtime that I could be using to write. But I'm not. I can't. 

It's fucked cause it's not writer's block. I'm having ideas and stuff. I can write. But only a little at a time, and only on things that don't really matter to anyone but me. 

It's also fucked because I RUN A DISCORD SERVER FOR FANFICTION WRITERS. And I haven't posted a thing on here since acquiring it! I feel like a fake. An imposter.

There's a bunch of stupid teenager emotions that I'm feeling about my friends. I hate it. I love them to death though. They're wonderful kind sweet people. 

Anyways, if you care about me enough to still be reading, thanks for sticking with me. I really, truly do love my readers. Really. I don't just say that. I really mean it. I love you. And thanks for everything.

I'll still be here. I'll still be checking my inbox. I really hope I can post something soon. Today I was hired for a job that pays better, is more flexible to my schedule, and fits me better than my current one. I'll be starting there in two weeks. Hopefully that'll improve my general wellbeing. 

I love you, I mean it. I really do. I can't say that enough. Thanks. 

-Nove

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you wanna chat with me or keep in touch while I'm away from AO3, you can ask about my social media in the comments. I don't feel like listing them all here.


	2. Holy shit, y'all.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FIRST KISS FIC

Okay, so I'm almost 18. And yeah, last night was my first date and first kiss. Mase. That's his name. And oh my god, having a real life, physical relationship is so much better than I ever dreamed. Holding hands, cuddling, kissing on the cheek and forehead, grinning stupidly whenever we're touching, blushing and giggling like a little kid whenever I think about the time we spent together, the constant desire to kiss him all over his face, the stupid blushy responses I get to my stupid blushy snaps, how I'm proud and eager to go everywhere hand-in-hand so everyone knows we're a couple.

It's been so long that I've been thinking about my first kiss. I'm big on milestones like that. I was the same way about menarche. But anyways.

It was so stereotypical. So silly, so normal, so unremarkable, but christ, I can't stop reliving it.

It was dark out, and we were in my car after the date, outside his house.

We were both really awkward at the goodbyes, hugging at odd angles and laughing a little. Then there was a pause. I was sitting there in the driver's seat looking at him, and glancing at my hands, and staring at the steering wheel and into the shadows to my left. I was smiling involuntarily as I tried so hard to work up the nerve to kiss him. I'd promised myself I'd do it that night.

(I'd told "J," our friend who'd set us up, that I kind of wanted to kiss Mase. J told me that Mase had that he really wanted to kiss me. **They also said that he's really bad at making the first move.** I kept remembering that throughout the night.)

So I finally worked up the courage necessary to kiss his cheek. I'd done that once during the football game earlier, and he had kissed my forehead in return. He did the same thing here. Now I was directly facing him, my eyes directed down to his chest. I almost immediately moved my head up so my nose was just beneath his, and we both laughed quietly. It... Was definitely nervous laughter, in retrospect. 

I already knew what I was going to do, and I was essentially already there, so I wasn't really apprehensive to tip my head and put my lips on his. 

I honestly can't approximate how long it lasted. It wasn't super short, but it wasn't a really long time, either. Maybe ten seconds??

Either way, I tried to make it last, having no fucking clue what I was doing, knowing that it was probably super obvious how pitifully inexperienced I am. I didn't really care, though. It wasn't deep at all, 'course. Thinking back on it, his reciprocation was really gentle. I dunno, maybe I'm romanticizing it (I've actually had the thought cross my mind several times that he was just too polite to reject me and he actually wasn't wanting it but I'm going to trust our friend that he did want it h), but it seems like it was just... Subtle. Soft. Gentle.

In the moment I only noticed a limited number of completely unimportant things. _His lips aren't moving as much as mine._ ~~(retrospect: was he surprised, sort of frozen?)~~ _Are my lips in the right shape? His lips feel kinda moist under mine._ ~~(retrospect: was he trying to open his lips a bit to deepen the kiss? [cue me blushing and clutching my face] did he wan— [someone clamps a hand over my mouth to shut me up])~~  I couldn't think about anything except what was happening. It wasn't electrifying, or exciting, or romantic, or anything. I didn't feel anything physically. Just his lips against mine, and my nose brushing his cheek. The unideal angle I was at, straining slightly to stretch over the cupholders and center console to reach his body and up a bit to reach his face, and the odd orientations of our faces, the streetlamps outside, the awful nerves I'd felt just moments before, the leftover excitement from the game and the drumline—all of that and everything else just vanished. Nothing else existed except that moment. It felt so unreal. 

It was dark enough that it didn't make any difference whether our eyes were open or not, so I can't remember much about that. I think I closed my eyes about when I kissed him on the cheek. They might have fluttered open for a second when we laughed nervously, and then closed again as I tilted my head up to meet his lips. I believe I opened them as I broke away. 

I can't even make an educated guess about where either of our hands were, though. I legit just don't remember. My brain didn't record that detail.

The memory feels more like a dream. I honestly have some doubt that it even actually happened. 

Today, we went to a local festival. It was a really nice time. I just love holding his hand, our arms entwined. It puts a constant smile on my face.

Stay tuned for more updates, I guess. 

I love kissing him on the cheek and getting a kiss on the forehead on return. I love it, I love it so much, it's so nice, I love HIM, aaaaaaaaaaaaa _aaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA_

now all I need is for _him_ to kiss _me._ I will die of happiness and love when that happens.

Okay. Ahem. Stay tuned. Right. Bye.

_UPDATE UPDATE 10/7:_

WE KISSED TWICE TODAY IN MY CAR AFTER A MOVIE AND AAAA _HE_ KISSED _ME_ AND I JUST,, MELTED A LITTLE AND MY STOMACH FLUTTERED A LITTLE AND AAAAAAAAA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 23:44, 10/5/2018
> 
> ~
> 
> I think this is gonna turn into what amounts to a diary. I'll write about my life, just so I can get back in the habit of writing all the time and get my writing juices flowing.  
> Thanks. Love ya! Peace.


	3. Oh, lord.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's that time again, kids. Time for my goal in life to be to make out with my s/o.

Sooooooo yeah. I'm getting used to kissing. And I. God I wanna go a little deeper. He's 3-4" taller than me, so I wanna, like, sit on his lap or straddle his hips or something and just. Go for it. 

I'm gonna publish this and immediately regret it. 

Really all I need at this point is something that's less strained by nerves and more driven by just wanting to fucking make out. I know we're both really nervous about kissing. Idk, maybe I'm basically just thinking immersion is the solution, hahah. Like I said, just _go for it_ and see if we can both adjust. 

Again. I'm better at making the first move. (Why is it always _me?_ Like, every situation. School, relationships, work, everywhere.) So I assume I'd have to be the one to initiate.

 

 

Edit 3/19/2019: he's actually 8" taller than me uhh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this awhile ago, maybe like a week. Didn't want to just leave it sitting as an unposted chapter draft.


	4. Ha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey kids  
> I'm getting a tattoo and a legal name change soon let's go boys

[Click here to see the countdown clock to when I'll be allowed to watch age-restricted videos on YouTube](https://www.timeanddate.com/counters/fullscreen.html?mode=a&iso=20181117T1521&year=2018&month=11&day=17&hour=15&min=21&sec=0&p0=234&msg=Lol+time+to+die)


	6. Oh yeah

I'm 18 now


	7. HEY!!!!!

GUYS!!!!! I'LL BE POSTING SOMETHING NEW SOON!! It's not for a fandom I've ever written for before, but I'm excited to get back in the game!!!

 

See you soon!!!!!!


	8. still here fam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ye

hullo!

 

I'm still here!!! I've survived my electronics and social ban. I'm working on a couple fics. One is a sad Legally Blonde musical thing, and the other is a sad bmc musical thing. 

I'm in a really tough spot academically at the moment; a lot of hard decisions are having to be made, and I'm struggling to figure it out. But I'm at the final step in this whole compulsory schooling thing, and I just have to hold out until I graduate, whenever that may be.


	9. Comment me, babey

I want comment on word I posted please give motivatetion by leave comment on works

 

Please comment on my latest new chapters I was sad when nobody came running when I updated Some Guy or The Life and Work of Naoto Shirogane 

 

I just like hearing from my readers, maybe even just to know that they're reading the new chapters

 

I love u all and I miss ArtistActressAthena and TheBlepKing :(

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

pls comment kthxbai


	10. I also forgot I came up with a funny joke last night

Female character in any piece of media:  _throws up without an explicit explanation_

LITERALLY 90% OF THE COMMENTS SECTION: **PREGANANTE????:,?,???????**


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